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Partners in Domestic Conflict
Contradictions between the ideals of marriage and its reality exist in both life and story. Anticipating the joys of wedded bliss, courtship tends to encourage the belief that happiness in marriage is all but guaranteed. And of course in stories, Cinderella and her Prince, Snow White and her Rescuer, Rapunzel and her Tower-Climber, and a host of other couples are predicted to live
"happily ever after."
These predictions are echoed in scholarly and popular notions of conjugal harmony, and attributed to a variety of causes. Mary Ryan1 suggests that the ideal of conjugal love was present in an earlier American agrarian period when cooperation and sharing were required to keep the home functioning. William Goode2 sees the rise of industrialization as encouraging greater companionship and intimacy between spouses. Miriam Johnson finds in the rise of Protestantism
"a new dignity and more equality" for women and the encouragement
of spouses to be "friends and lovers to each other."
Erich Fromm refers to the many articles on modern marriage that describe the ideal of a
"smoothly functioning team."
The Emergence of Conflict
Marriage experiences often contradict these notions, and reveal many dislocations in married life. Conflict is a central issue and conflict resolution the lesson to be learned.
A striking illustration of marriage behavior appears in "The Woman and Her Husband Who Were Silent." Here we see highlighted the difference between courtship and marriage through a scene that occurs immediately after the wedding ceremony. Its message is typical of many marriages.
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