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Contents
Background Information
What is a folk story?
Why folk stories are valuable in counseling
Bibliography
Courtship, Marriage, Gender Roles, Domestic Violence
Courtship
Marriage
Wives' Roles
Husbands' Roles
Domestic Violence
Conclusion
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4. The Assertive
Man
Fembar's Curiosity
Fembar's husband, Jarbar, came from another country, where he
learned to understand the language of animals. In a vision, the
gods warned him not to tell anyone, or he would die. He agreed to
keep this gift a secret.
Fembar and
Jarbar loved each other dearly, and all went well for a long
time. One day however Fembar received word that her father had
died. She was grief-stricken. Jarbar tried to console her and
urged her to leave immediately to be with her family. He assured
her he would do all her chores and then meet her at her family's
home. (1)
Fembar was
preparing to leave, and Jarbar went into the yard to feed the
chickens. He began to laugh when he overheard one of them say
something funny.
Fembar was
shocked thinking he was ridiculing her sadness. Jarbar immediately
assured her that his laughter had nothing to do with her, but he
could not tell her why he laughed.
Fembar was
outraged. She could not understand why so loving a husband would
laugh at this time, and now would not tell her why. Seeing her so
upset, Jarbar confided that if he told her the reason he would die.
Fembar was greatly distressed by his unfeeling behavior; and this
far-fetched explanation made her feel even worse. Moved to great
sympathy for his wife, he wanted more than anything to preserve her
love for him.(2) He knew that for him
her well-being was more important than life itself.(3)
And so he told
her the truth. And he died.
- Like the
Assertive Woman, the Assertive Man lives in a society without
strict adherence to male dominance/female subservience.
- He can act
freely without being dominant.
- His behavior
indicates great respect and concern for his wife's needs and
wishes.
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